Keeping the conversation going

How to keep the puberty conversation going

When girls start puberty, they may feel too shy or embarrassed to talk about the changes they're going through – even if they're desperate to share their feelings or ask questions. It's important to let your daughter know that you're always available to chat and to actively create opportunities that help get discussions started.
However, there may be times when your mother and daughter relationship is strained and she simply won't want to discuss certain things with you. Try not to take it too personally (remember, your daughter's emotions are in flux at the moment). Rather, encourage her to reach out to other adults – her other parent, grandparents, stepparents, carers, teachers – should she need to talk about growing up with someone other than you. Reassure her that your feelings won't be hurt (even if, truth be told, they are a little bit), because what you really want is for her to get the support that she needs.
Here's a quick primer aimed at helping you talk to your daughter about expanding her support system. Below you'll find useful topics and practical information that you can use as a loose “script” or just as a conversation starter.

Seek out adults

The first person you talk to should be an adult, because someone your own age may not have their facts straight, even if they think they do. It's important for you to get the right answers to your questions.
It does take some courage, because you may feel awkward and embarrassed about speaking up. That's perfectly normal. Just don't let that stop you from talking to someone, because talking to a caring adult about what you feel (whether it's fear, worry, happiness or confusion) is a big relief and a comfort.

Friends, relatives and other caring adults

Find an adult you feel comfortable with: your father, a step-parent, grandparent, aunt or older sister. Other options include a teacher, the school nurse, your doctor or perhaps a friend's mother who's easy to talk to.

Timing is everything

Once you've decided who you'd like to talk to, don't be afraid to reach out, but do pick your moment to approach them. Adults may often seem busy – they probably are – but by simply letting them know you'd like to talk, they'll stop for you.
For example, you can approach that person and say: “There's something I'd like to talk to you about when you have time.” This way, you won't keep putting off the discussion. You can also drop that person a note or email, saying you'd like to have a chat.
Before you have the conversation, you may want to write your questions down first. This way, you won't forget what you want to talk about. Try not to be too nervous (of course, easier said than done). It really is true that talking about what's on your mind will be a big relief.

Do a little reading on your own

A good way to prepare yourself for any conversation is to do a little homework. Part of making good choices is making informed choices. Here are a few resources to consult when you have questions:

  • Bookmark this site and check out the links for information on specific topics
  • Check out http://www.girlology.com for more information: